Fwee Carter (fwee_prower) wrote,
Fwee Carter

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im done.

these past 2 days have been crap. im done with life. my mom made me decide how worthless and stupid and how im not needed anywhere in the world. soo many things to write.

basically i snaped. i blew up. all my bottled up anger and pain was released in full force at my mom. she lies to me and lies to others about everything about me. it was a stupid argument anyway but my mom really needs help. she has a problem and she needs to be stoped. Basically my mother must always be right. no matter what. even if all facts to her pointing wrong or other people tell her she is wrong. she has to be right at the cost of humilation of all those around her. She basically only cares about herself and beleaves she is higher then everyone else and everyone is below her. Shes a nurse but she never acts like one or actruly works to get a job even thought she renews her licence. She is crazy. People know shes crazy. Kids know that shes Crazy. teenagers know that shes crazy, Parents know that shes crazy, Teachers know that shes crazy. and even her own family knows that shes crazy. but in her own world the only crazy person around her is me. She tells me everyday how no one likes me, im alone in the world, im wierd, and i have no friends and no one should be friends with me.

yesterday. i got mad at my brother for telling me im such a loser for not having a date to the prom. so i tried to punch him but he turned so i hit him in the shoulder hard. resulting in hurting myself. he didnt even feel it. i just felt pain in my hand and then i felt light headed and i felt pain in my head and i collapsed on the floor. i started struggling to breathe and my mother and bother just looked and me and laughed. they pointed and laughed at me while i layed on the floor half concious try to breathe. after they finished laughing my mom told my brother to get the phone. i thought they were going to get help but no. she called my father and told him how stupid i was and what happened to me laughing the entire time. I later recovered by myself and my hand still hurts.
After that we went to my Grandma's 87th bday party to discover no one in my family knew i was sick. I was horrified to find this out and so was my family that my mom had not told them iv been sick for fucking 17 weeks.

now today. i had to bring money in for our limo. and i got into the car. my mom asked me why i left with shareese's dad and why he had come. (me and Shareese went to the mall with my family to get the tux) i told her that shareese had to go home since we were going to be eating at the mom. my mom yelled at me calling me a liar that we were never going to eat there. she then said no one likes me because i put lies in peoples head. but the truth was: as we were walking into the mall my mom said that we were going to eat after the mall. my brother asked at the food court. and she said yes. my father, brother, sister and shareese were all there and we all said ok. my mom said no such thing happened even though they all know it did and my dad backed me up later. she said that she never was going to eat there and i was making up lies. and she continued to say im a liar telling our family members whats wrong with me even thought its the truth and they should know whats going on with their nephew, grandson, cousin. My mom then started to go on when i just snapped. i couldnt take it anymore and i just turned to her and yelled soo loudly that she was wrong and in her world she is always right even when there is always proof that shes wrong. she then started to ask me who i was and who do i think i was and that i was a loser with no friends. so i just got up and left. i couldnt take it anymore. i threw the money for the limo at her and ran out of the car into our house. i told my dad what happened. and i asked him didnt she said we were going to the food court. and he said yes she did. my mom came into the house saying she cant deal with a crazy kid like me and i dont deserve things. my dad calmly tried to argue with her but she was just yelling at me calling me this child and other words i cant remember when i snapped again. I yelled at her saying i was not a child but i am a fucking person and she should treat me as one. i am her son but she should treat me with respect like how everyone should. she told me to shut up and tried to get away from me and tried to hit me but i stoped her. telling her she is the reason why i want to die and she always belittle me and makes me feel worthless and i just fell to the ground and started crying. my dad asked me to talk to him and im trying to explain to him when my mom burst in saying that im a lier and that im crazy and this is why i have no friends. hat im worthless and nobody wants me anywhere. i told her people think she is crazy. they tell me this everyday. everyone i know tell me shes crazy and they want to steer clear away from her. she yells at little kids like they her age if they didnt bring money to girl scouts. she yells at everyone and does crazy irresponseble things but in her mind she is right. she really cares about her self and we all know that.

I hate my mom. and shes right how im worthless and have no friends. she basically told me i should die. i am nothing to anyone. everyday i feel alone. everyday im by myself. no one knows me and no one cares about me. so im done. i should die. its the only way to escape from this constant pain, emotionally and physically. im done.

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